The Issue of Forgiveness
- Part 4
by Pastor Bill Pevlor
For the last several weeks this column has dealt with the issue of
forgiveness. This week I had planned to move on to another topic, however, a
letter from an interested reader raised a common question worthy of a response.
The writer wanted to know my thoughts on how “repentance” figured into the
process of forgiveness.
The actual questions concerning repentance and forgiveness posed by the
letter writer were a bit complicated, but boiled down to its simplest form it
might be stated like this: “If we have been offended by a person who is not
sorry about their actions, who has not apologized, and who may even be
continuing their offensive behavior are we really obligated to forgive them?
Wouldn’t we be encouraging ungodly and offensive behavior?”
At first glance it seems reasonable to link our obligation to forgive
with the offending person’s obligation to accept responsibility for their
actions and to seek our forgiveness with a heartfelt apology and genuine sorrow
and repentance. We certainly feel a lot more forgiving when sincere apology is
offered first.
I’m reminded of the apostle Peter’s question to Jesus in Matthew
18…“Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?
Up to seven times?” If you will allow me to take some liberty here to read
between the lines, I believe what Peter was implying was “If someone is
inconsiderate enough to offend me beyond seven times, they can’t truly be
serious about living in harmony with me, so why should I have to forgive
them?” Jesus’ response, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times
seven.” indicates our forgiveness is not tied to the offending parties
behavior.
Remember, the overriding principal concerning forgiveness is found in
Matthew 6, verses 14 and 15…“For if you forgive men when they sin against
you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men
their sins, your father will not forgive your sins.” I didn’t notice,
here or elsewhere in scripture, a “good behavior” clause. (i.e…you should
forgive them only if they behave properly.)
Forgiveness is an issue of the heart; your heart, not the offender’s.
Unforgiveness is the root cause of much anger, bitterness, resentment, anxiety,
hatred and strife. It becomes a roadblock to healthy relationships; including a
relationship with the Lord. The ill effects of unforgiveness take their toll
even when the offending party is unaware of any offense they may have committed.
It’s the person who forgives who benefits most. It’s important that we do
our part and keep our hearts pure, even if the offender doesn’t do their part.
As my mama used to say, “Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
The letter writer presented another interesting thought. They wrote “My
understanding is that God has a forgiving heart and desires to forgive us all,
but are we truly forgiven before we recognize our need for forgiveness and turn
to God and ask Him to forgive us?” This question actually helps makes my
point. Yes, God desires to forgive us and responded toward all of us with love,
making forgiveness possible. He did this, not in response to our good behavior
(we weren’t repentant and asking for forgiveness) but in spite of our bad
behavior. Romans 5:8 says “But
God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners,
Christ died for us.”
To receive the full benefit of God’s actions requires that we accept the gift
with a repentant heart. Yet, whether we do or not, God has done His part. If we
want to follow God’s example we will not reserve our forgiveness as a reward
for good behavior.
It’s important to note that forgiveness also has some relationship to
the issues of “justice” and “restoration.” Forgiveness does not
necessarily eliminate the need for justice, nor does it automatically require
restoration of the relationship to what it was before the offense. Though an
intriguing part of the forgiveness equation, to fully explore how justice and
restoration come into play would take more time and space than this column would
allow.
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